not ready

for anything.

but who is ever ready? people who truly live day by day are my inspiration. i live to KNOW what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day. but that's impossible. that's the problem: trying to live the impossible like it's possible.

completely dissed myself right now. it's true. the way i live and look at life is completely moronic. that means, i'm a moron.

no sympathy needed. i know this and have always known this. but i've learned other things on the way.

it's ok to complain. maybe not excessively. but it's ok not to feel great about everything. and having people in your life who will listen to you makes it that much more easy to let it out. let it out.

it's not ok to be ungrateful. saying you're grateful isn't enough. do you live it? i don't. not all the time. being grateful can mend a broken heart. really, it can. it can light up your soul.

you're going to have bad days. you're also going to have good days. what will you do to insure that none of those days are wasted days? your bad days can often mean so much more than your good days. those are the days that grow you, push you, and teach you how to live in this crazy world. crazy is the key word.

i believe all these things. but i don't live it out. its tiring, exhausting, and actually... failure is inevitable when i try to write my own future. but what is this burning, this urge, this ridiculous need to write my own future when i know i'm going to fail. if i were to generalize it, why the hell do we do ANYTHING knowing that it will eventually lead to disappointment?

because we're human. because we learn from mistakes. because we can only have our heart broken to put it back together. because we can only be hurt to be healed.

life is so short. an acquaintance from Northwestern unfortunately passed away on my birthday. in all circumstances, God is good. but she didn't have to go. she was bright. and even though she wasn't a close friend, the interactions i did have with her showed a girl who was trying so hard to search and experience life. she wanted to live and feel alive.

i didn't even know her well, but as i was talking to twin about her, i seriously felt so sad. SO SO empty... it's such a tragedy. all she was doing, was looking and searching as we all do. today was her funeral. i hate that i missed it. even though i didn't know her well, there's something missing. something's missing...

RIP Yoon Lee.

i'm sorry we weren't close. i genuinely hope that you found what you were looking for.

life is short. embrace, embrace, embrace.

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