will be epic.
family is first. and regardless of the nasty fights, annoyance, and sometimes grief that comes along with their existence, they are first. in the end, it doesn't matter how much you fight or argue with them. they are still your family.
there are so many things i want to do. i must do.
still feeling pressure, still feeling uncertain, still feeling a bit unmotivated.
but it's fine. i'm fine. everyone needs their breakdown moment. this is mine.
doesn't mean i'm going anywhere ;)
THIS WEEK MEANS... PRODUCTIVE-NESS! :D
signature.
11.22.2010
11.18.2010
i miss.
i miss playing the piano.
not just playing the piano, but being decently good at it. doesn't matter if people think i'm "good"... i know my capabilities and i know that right now, i suck.
the amount of time, effort, energy, stress... it was all worth it.
reach higher. reach higher. reach higher.
on a side note...
the first day i got him<3
signature.
not just playing the piano, but being decently good at it. doesn't matter if people think i'm "good"... i know my capabilities and i know that right now, i suck.
the amount of time, effort, energy, stress... it was all worth it.
reach higher. reach higher. reach higher.
on a side note...
the first day i got him<3
signature.
11.17.2010
define
define what a friend is.
define what it means to be a GOOD friend.
what does it mean to be there for someone else? does it mean you compromise? does it mean you do everything and anything the other person asks for?
obviously not. there's something innately wrong with doing almost everything someone asks you to do, especially if you don't agree with it. i'm not talking about doing something illegal or extreme. but even from the way you feel.
a friend is
someone who loves you.
someone who doesn't judge you.
someone who let's you say exactly what you need to say and is still there.
someone who, even when apart, feels so close to you.
someone who puts up with you, but speaks with honesty.
someone who doesn't try to change you.
someone who won't ask for anything because nothing is needed.
someone who won't push your boundaries, because they know.
someone who is willing to suffer just a little... for you.
someone who is willing to go out of their way... for you.
the unexpected becomes the expected. no need to wait for things because it's already there.
what is a friend to you? why are they so hard to come by?
signature.
define what it means to be a GOOD friend.
what does it mean to be there for someone else? does it mean you compromise? does it mean you do everything and anything the other person asks for?
obviously not. there's something innately wrong with doing almost everything someone asks you to do, especially if you don't agree with it. i'm not talking about doing something illegal or extreme. but even from the way you feel.
a friend is
someone who loves you.
someone who doesn't judge you.
someone who let's you say exactly what you need to say and is still there.
someone who, even when apart, feels so close to you.
someone who puts up with you, but speaks with honesty.
someone who doesn't try to change you.
someone who won't ask for anything because nothing is needed.
someone who won't push your boundaries, because they know.
someone who is willing to suffer just a little... for you.
someone who is willing to go out of their way... for you.
the unexpected becomes the expected. no need to wait for things because it's already there.
what is a friend to you? why are they so hard to come by?
signature.
11.15.2010
nothing is impossible
ok, now everything i write, i'm worried that Johnny Han is going to think it's sick. haha sick nasty! so JUST FOR THE RECORD... "be contagious" means your life. your life should be and can be contagious. and it should be and can be to the best possible way. and how relevant is this statement after ELEVATEretreat. we are "larger than life"
like i wrote on my status, i feel like there are a million thoughts going through my head. so this post will probably make NO sense because i'm running off pure adrenaline and excitement and whatever the hell else.
ready...
set...
GO!
ok no more list! but really... not everything is great. not everything is perfect. and even though the problems, thoughts, and feelings from last week are the same as this week... and even though i know that the same things that made me sad or cranky last week, will continue to make me sad or cranky this week, there is a new purpose for it all.
how is it that 13-14-15 year old students can make such an impact in my life? no, they aren't giving me advice. yes, sometimes i feel like a mother to them. but you look at their lives outside of the yelling, scolding, punishing, pushing around... and it's the type of life that says "i have a purpose". my greatest prayer is that this does not fade with age.. that the crap of this world doesn't make them jaded. i hope that it continues to challenge them.. so much so that it hurts. because strength will rise up from it.
so let's not be static. all of us. let's live a life that is contagious to other people. let's live a life with a rock in our bucket. (teehee... bucket...<3)>because even though there will be crap beyond measure, living with a rock in our bucket means we won't even have to ask the question "why?". no such thing as disappointment. just peace.
signature.
like i wrote on my status, i feel like there are a million thoughts going through my head. so this post will probably make NO sense because i'm running off pure adrenaline and excitement and whatever the hell else.
ready...
set...
GO!
- "larger than life" retreat was exactly opposite of what i expected. ask me if you want to know more. i'm too hyper to type it all out
- can't believe i'm at work right now. this is not the job i want to be at. but i'm grateful. but i need to push! pushpushpush to do what i feel like i'm called to do!
- i REALLY wanted a donut, and there are 2 boxes of krispy kremes at my office! but i'm not allowed to have it!
- MOMMY AND BRUDDER ARE COMING BACK NEXT WEEK!<3333333333>
- life doesn't change in a day. but... one's perspective can change to be the start of something amazing. BIG rock in the bucket :)
- speaking of bucket...
<3> - i like warm beds and blankets that are poofy so that i feel like i'm sinking in.
- i think i should do one of those survey things cuz i feel like a spaz right now.
- i love music. i know it is supposed to be something i do and have in my life. i will start now. any song suggestions, people? :)
ok no more list! but really... not everything is great. not everything is perfect. and even though the problems, thoughts, and feelings from last week are the same as this week... and even though i know that the same things that made me sad or cranky last week, will continue to make me sad or cranky this week, there is a new purpose for it all.
how is it that 13-14-15 year old students can make such an impact in my life? no, they aren't giving me advice. yes, sometimes i feel like a mother to them. but you look at their lives outside of the yelling, scolding, punishing, pushing around... and it's the type of life that says "i have a purpose". my greatest prayer is that this does not fade with age.. that the crap of this world doesn't make them jaded. i hope that it continues to challenge them.. so much so that it hurts. because strength will rise up from it.
so let's not be static. all of us. let's live a life that is contagious to other people. let's live a life with a rock in our bucket. (teehee... bucket...<3)>because even though there will be crap beyond measure, living with a rock in our bucket means we won't even have to ask the question "why?". no such thing as disappointment. just peace.
signature.
11.12.2010
realize.
it's quite a small world. i already knew that, but it really is.
last night, my daddy forced me to go with him to someone's house to have dinner with this family. after forcing myself to calm down, be patient, and do it for daddy, i went to this house to find two adorable dogs, and a loving and warm family. a family that has close ties to me... i just never knew.
not only is the youngest son JJ's students in Elevate, but the father and my daddy knew each other since before i was born when my daddy was still working for KPMG.
but that's not the point of this story, now is it?
the point is that i realized something. as we were sitting there enjoying galbi and jjigae, the parents took a real liking to me. they knew me from before, but they really genuinely loved me. as the mom kept wishing she had a daughter, the dad kept telling me how i have a good personality and how lucky my daddy is. i don't deserve such praise.
and then daddy spoke. and whenever my daddy speaks, all i can do is just listen and take in. no one can do that to me like he can. but he spoke about me. he spoke about what kind of daughter i am. how i was so easy to raise and how i used to work myself to the bone just to get things done. like all parents, he said things that aren't so great about me (-.-), but as he spoke, i started to realize that i was so much better back then. i was so much more disciplined... more focused. and he saw it. i just never did.
i still never do. when one is in that moment, they don't see what they're doing. i'm tired of having hope and then losing hope. one cannot motivate themselves.
too many thoughts going through my head. can't handle them all. so don't do it alone. when people are there, you know they are there. that's why regardless of all the fighting and annoyance family can bring about, they are meant to be together. and soon, we will be together.
my goal is to be back to who i was before. not every aspect... but the better part of me. so if you're going to come along, you're coming along. if you're not, then don't pretend to be.
signature.
last night, my daddy forced me to go with him to someone's house to have dinner with this family. after forcing myself to calm down, be patient, and do it for daddy, i went to this house to find two adorable dogs, and a loving and warm family. a family that has close ties to me... i just never knew.
not only is the youngest son JJ's students in Elevate, but the father and my daddy knew each other since before i was born when my daddy was still working for KPMG.
but that's not the point of this story, now is it?
the point is that i realized something. as we were sitting there enjoying galbi and jjigae, the parents took a real liking to me. they knew me from before, but they really genuinely loved me. as the mom kept wishing she had a daughter, the dad kept telling me how i have a good personality and how lucky my daddy is. i don't deserve such praise.
and then daddy spoke. and whenever my daddy speaks, all i can do is just listen and take in. no one can do that to me like he can. but he spoke about me. he spoke about what kind of daughter i am. how i was so easy to raise and how i used to work myself to the bone just to get things done. like all parents, he said things that aren't so great about me (-.-), but as he spoke, i started to realize that i was so much better back then. i was so much more disciplined... more focused. and he saw it. i just never did.
i still never do. when one is in that moment, they don't see what they're doing. i'm tired of having hope and then losing hope. one cannot motivate themselves.
too many thoughts going through my head. can't handle them all. so don't do it alone. when people are there, you know they are there. that's why regardless of all the fighting and annoyance family can bring about, they are meant to be together. and soon, we will be together.
my goal is to be back to who i was before. not every aspect... but the better part of me. so if you're going to come along, you're coming along. if you're not, then don't pretend to be.
signature.
11.08.2010
diet.
i went to korea.
despite my efforts, my mommy saw me and told me to go on a diet. this, i agreed with her on.
but the more i think about it, a diet is always about giving up something. give up food, give up types of foods, give up time... to go to the gym. give up things that apparently make you happy...
but in the end, i need to go on a life diet. weed out the crap. weed out the things that bring darkness. and when i can get to that point where im strong enough to beat that darkness.
i hate how weak i am. i hate how unstable i am. i hate that people think i'm so strong, but i'm weaker than all of them. i hate it. and in the end, i'm always at fault.
so forget it all. forget it. if i'm not worth it, then i'm not worth it. but i am to someone... somewhere. i have to be worth it to me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
