realize.

it's quite a small world. i already knew that, but it really is.

last night, my daddy forced me to go with him to someone's house to have dinner with this family. after forcing myself to calm down, be patient, and do it for daddy, i went to this house to find two adorable dogs, and a loving and warm family. a family that has close ties to me... i just never knew.

not only is the youngest son JJ's students in Elevate, but the father and my daddy knew each other since before i was born when my daddy was still working for KPMG.




but that's not the point of this story, now is it?



the point is that i realized something. as we were sitting there enjoying galbi and jjigae, the parents took a real liking to me. they knew me from before, but they really genuinely loved me. as the mom kept wishing she had a daughter, the dad kept telling me how i have a good personality and how lucky my daddy is. i don't deserve such praise.


and then daddy spoke. and whenever my daddy speaks, all i can do is just listen and take in. no one can do that to me like he can. but he spoke about me. he spoke about what kind of daughter i am. how i was so easy to raise and how i used to work myself to the bone just to get things done. like all parents, he said things that aren't so great about me (-.-), but as he spoke, i started to realize that i was so much better back then. i was so much more disciplined... more focused. and he saw it. i just never did.


i still never do. when one is in that moment, they don't see what they're doing. i'm tired of having hope and then losing hope. one cannot motivate themselves.


too many thoughts going through my head. can't handle them all. so don't do it alone. when people are there, you know they are there. that's why regardless of all the fighting and annoyance family can bring about, they are meant to be together. and soon, we will be together.




my goal is to be back to who i was before. not every aspect... but the better part of me. so if you're going to come along, you're coming along. if you're not, then don't pretend to be.


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