sync.

i think i'm getting sick. scratch that i think i'm sick. a good thing that came out of it, was that i left halfway through the day. but in midst of the stuffy nose and the slow but steady increase of a headache, i was blessed to enough to have something i really needed...

a conversation worth remembering


what did i learn?

i learned that i'm not alone

i learned that honesty pays off

i learned that by opening myself up just a tiny bit, i can discover that some people truly understand


never have i been this unhappy in my life. never have i been this confused, broken, and helpless. as much as i would never want someone to go through or feel the way i feel now, knowing that someone understands me first-hand gives me slight peace.

she doesn't even need to do anything. she doesn't need to comfort me or tell me advice. all she did, was know.



today, i am grateful.

thank you, God, for your grace.



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home.

this weekend i went up to ponderosa for junior high retreat. yes, i am a junior high teacher :)

in all things, God is good.

in all honesty, i was excited to go for my own personal reasons. of course i was going to be there for my girls and for the rest of the junior high students... but as staff, i failed at putting them first before i went.

in all things, God is good.

being there opened up my eyes to so many things. junior high students have so much more faith than i had all through high school. only in college did i experience God's true grace and love.

in all things, God is good.

even as i felt like i was there to get away and have my own time to rejuvenate and pick up the falling pieces of my life, witnessing their passion and their love opened up my heart to more than i expected. my love for them grew, my prayers were more meaningful and genuine than i had ever experienced, and the true meaning of family become apparent.

in all things, God is good.

but life isn't perfect. i'm still confused. being there shattered expectations. as much as i experienced these amazing things, i feel more confused and more lost in terms of where i stand in my own struggles.

in all things, God is good.

i don't need to share my personal problems, my struggles, and shortcomings to describe how i feel these days. life's hard. it keeps pushing me in a direction that i'm blind to.

in all things, God is good.

if i keep repeating this, maybe i'll start to live it out.




now, i'm home. i felt more at home over there than i do here. the new house is beautiful, but the feeling of home doesn't exist. my heart isn't here. continuous fear of what may happen drives me to be more apathetic. it's true, what they say: the bad things seem to overshadow all the good things.

yet, in all things, God is good. He will continue to push me, i know. i'm the one that needs to open my eyes so that i'm not blind to where He directs me.

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so i had a tumblr before...

and i made one post before i deactivated it a few minutes ago.

i don't think i actually want people to read this blog, but i don't think i'm alone when i say that people sometimes just want to share their thoughts... or write it down at least.

life is full of random epiphanies and realizations.


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