family.

is important. in the end, these people are the ones that are connected to you both physically and spiritually. you have a blood bond that you don't have with a best friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, enemy... anyone.

this is my brother:

his name is GiDEON.

you don't know gid. you don't know him unless he wants you to know him. maybe you've met him. maybe you're even friends with him. but you don't know him.

some of you can figure that he looks exactly like my daddy and nothing like me. you may know that he's one of the most intelligent guys out there. you may even know that he's an amazing writer and a talented talented TALENTED musician. you may even have heard him make that squealing noise when he laughs or gets scared at something. but you don't know him.

not in the way i do, at least. i don't know him more or less than anyone else. i don't have infinite knowledge of him, nor do i have no knowledge of him. but he's my brother. MY brother.





want to know how horrible of a sister i am? want to know how horrible of a sister i was all these years?



as a sister, i always "loved" him. but until recently, i never REALLY loved him. i said that i love him because i was obligated to. there were literally moments where i would think in my head, "if he wasn't my brother, i don't know if i could love him."


i know that he doesn't have to be my best friend. if he weren't my brother, i don't think we'd be best friends. but does that matter? what do "if"situations do for us? they make us feel regret, feel sorrow, feel guilty, feel unlucky... all these emotions that are not real. what's real is what's given.

i love my brother. it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of him, or what anyone else thinks of us as siblings. i love him because he is the perfect brother. who he is is exactly how he's supposed to be right now at this point in our lives.


if you're reading this, gidman... i'm sorry. i am so grateful that you are home and i know that through everything, family is all we've got. i'm sorry for being so hateful and for not showing or expressing how much i should have loved you all these years.

we are so blessed. what a family... what a journey.

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