keeping up

thoughts start to really go crazy when i'm mindless. being busy blocks it out.




but right now, i'm sort of mindless.











and thoughts start to creep in. emotions and feelings start to creep in. why is it so hard to just trust? why is it so easy to tell someone else, but when it comes to these moments, i flip out?





it's like being driven by guilt. constant guilt. little things create little reactions to guilt, whereas big things are attempted to be ignored so that the guilt doesnt drive me insane.









i wish my mommy was here. it takes more than wishing to make things happen. you have to go DO it. but you can't do it by your own will power.







think, christine, think. why do you regret so much? why are you so unsure? because i have based my identity and my worth in things and people... as much as i love my friends and family... people fail you. things fail you. circumstances, chance, jobs, relationships, life... they all fail you.



so why do i base my identity on things that are not going to sustain?









because i'm dumb. grow up.

show me.

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